Randomness Mantra Mayhem
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: a Pandora's Box of mayhem is broken loose through the Smash Mansion, Snake tries to squash pesky termites, Samus and Bowser have sex, Lucas gets morphed into a large demon, Fox tries to fix a satellite with hilarious results, and why is Kirby using hyenas for sled dogs? why not find out for yourself


**Randomness Mantra Mayhem**

**The disclaimer saying I don't own Super Smash Brothers is experiencing technical difficulties to a severe malfunction. And I do not own Nintendo, yak yak yakkety yak, ok, here's the story!**

The sun shone brightly in the Smashers mansion, as everyone was up and about all except for a certain bounty huntress. "… Oh, mommy… I love it when you give me a pony ride…" Samus mumbled in her sleep

"AAAHHH! HELP! Help! Lucas is high on coffee again!" Pit screamed, running like mad as a freakishly bizarre Lucas pursued him, licking his chops. The only odd thing with Lucas was… his eyes were large glowing red, his teeth were razor-sharp, and his tongue was forked. But on top of all that, his once blond hair has now become a small nest of miniature hydras. Jigglypuff screamed as his head was on fire. Mario and Luigi huddled in a fetal position as Wario was dancing… **in drag**

"Hey! Yoohoo, anyone in there?" Bowser rang out, tapping Samus' head rapidly. The blonde beauty yawned, rubbed her eyes and planted a large kiss on Bowser's head.

SSSMMMAAACCKK!

"EUUUGH! Ptooey!" Bowser retched, spitting in disgust before his eyes bulged as he and Samus immediately got to know each other… **intimately** Giggity giggity giggity!

"Who else but BOWSER?" Snake asked loudly, before cuing a chorus of females

_He's Bowser, Bowser_

_You never really know what he's gonna do next_

_He's Bowser, Bowser_

"Giggity giggity giggity, Let's have SEX!" Bowser chimed, poking his head through a dome. "I do hope nothing **happens** to spoil our fancy hoity-toity dinner party." A stuffy older gentleman foolishly boasted, taking a sip of wine before Bowser leaped onto the table, knocked over the food and drinks and started a ridiculous tap dance

"Who else but BOWSER?" Fox teased

_He's Bowser, Bowser_

_Giggity giggity goo!_

Falcon went into his apartment for some breakfast only to gasp when his wife Krystal and her biological Chinese mother started hanging Peking duck skins onto the window. Falcon couldn't help but snarl as Krystal and her mother rambled in Chinese. "Wait a minute! You said my name in Chinese! Lets see how **you** like it!" Falcon taunted, babbling "Blah blah blah, Krystal, blah blah blah blah."

"Whoa whoa whoa! Hold the mayo, missy!" Falcon boasted, rushing over to the window and throwing the ducks out, where one landed on an unsuspecting Ike.

"AAAAUUGHH! I'M BLIND! HELP! HEEELLLPPPP!" Ike screamed hysterically, running around the mansion like crazy, before bumping into a large chandelier, which came down and made an unceremonious crash on Ganon's head. "Oh no, not **again**." The latter moaned, before it landed.

"Ow! What in the HELL are you trying to DO, you IDIOT?" Ganondorf snarled, giving Ike a murderous glare as Donkey Kong throttled him. Meanwhile, Fox, Link, Marth, Kirby, Red, Shadow and Knuckles were hard at work on the rooftop, fixing the satellite dish.

"Ok, how many feet is it now Fox?" Sonic hollered from the grass, standing by the roof with a measuring tape.

"Three feet! Four feet! Five FeAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!" Fox responded before he slipped on a worm. Hollering hysterically, Fox fell off the roof and straight into the oncoming path of Mewtwo, in the middle of his meditations.

"Oh goddamn it…" Mewtwo grumbled, bracing himself for the inevitable, as the fox and the Pokemon both careened through the wall and into the wine cellar with a loud reverberating smash.

CRASH! BAM! WHAM! "Boy, guess they never expected **that**." Sonic muttered as Falco shook his head. "There goes our insurance payment for the wall repairs." Ike whispered to Knuckles

"Oh great! There goes my extra spare bottle of champagne!" Peach grumbled, slapping Fox up the head before walking out in a huff. "I, sir, will NOT stay at a red roof inn" Fox babbled, before collapsing flat on the ground, before being trampled by a crazed band of Greek and Romanian gypsy queens.

Elsewhere, Snake giggled maniacally as he lifted up a large grand piano hooked on a trolley upward where it was positioned over a small termite mound. Zelda rolled her eyes and shook her head, disgusted of her husband's stupidity.

"Snake? Are you **ever** going to call the pest control?" Zelda complained, showing boredom. "I will most ceremoniously NOT! **I** can handle ANYTHING!" Snake boasted loudly, flipping a switch, culminating in a loud explosion.

BOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!

"AAAAHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE FLAMBE'S ON FIRE!" Ness shrieked, racing out of the kitchen in a crudely made Macarena outfit, followed by a band of drunk, grizzled gypsies. Snake and Zelda watched amusingly as the chaos walked onward.

"… Ness really, **really** needs to see somebody." Zelda grumbled flatly. Snake simply shrugged and foolishly let go of the rope, which caused the piano to **not** drop on Snake and Zelda, but on an unsuspecting King Dedede.

"What the?" King Dedede gasped before looking up. "Oh crap…"

"Uh oh…" Zelda winced, she and Snake covering their ears as a loud crash occurred, followed by a series of awkward squawking noises. "… Sorry." Zelda meekly uttered as King Dedede throttled Snake like crazy.

"HEY! Would you knock it off? I got ballet in five minutes!" Daisy hollered from the upper east wing, shaking her fist before slamming the door.

Just then, a mountainous explosion reverberated the mansion as the water heater was overloading. "Ugh, now what?" Samus groaned

"Mayday! Mayday! THE SEWAGE IS OVERFLOWING!" Falco shouted, flying away like mad as a deranged set of hyenas rushed for the sewage, led by a crazed Kirby on a sled with hyenas for sled dogs.

"Does **that** answer your question, Ms. Cannot Keep Her Big Yap Shut?" Dedede smirked sarcastically. A giggling Ness dropped an anvil on Dedede's head.

"Humph. Sled hyenas. Now I've seen everything." Lucario deadpanned, as one hyena gave the Pokemon a dirty look. Lucario rolled his eyes and gave it a meat slab.

"Hey! What are you doing in the attic, Pit?" Sonic called out, as a loud crash occurred, followed by screaming, then Pit came crashing through the ceiling, landed flat on Snorlax's face, whom then landed face-first onto a large mound of roast tarantula, causing everyone and everything to be splattered in wine, squashed grapes, large amounts of wine cherries, and Fox's sister had a large crab clinging onto her rump. "Do I **really** need to say it?" She complained. Everyone gave Pit a glare that screamed murder, as they all aimed large machine guns at his face.

"uh… can we uh, do cards?" Pit foolishly asked, tripping Krystal, who stabbed Ganon with a knife. "YEEEEOOOOWWWWWW!" Ganon yowled in pain, before a fully enraged Fox lit a cannon fuse, cackling maniacally as he aimed it at Pit. A mountainous explosion occurred as the cannonball and Pit bombarded through nearly **seventy-nine** floors of the lower east wing, before finally hitting a gas line.

**BA-BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM**

The Smashers then lit marshmallows, hot dogs and s'mores over the large bonfire as the hyenas feasted on Pit's burnt, charred corpse.

"It doesn't get any better than **this**." Knuckles grinned, as everyone else howled at the moon like wolves. "HEY! SHUT UP DOWN THERE!" Snake hollered before rolling his eyes and muttering "bunch of crazies."


End file.
